Right now my heart is aching. I just found out that some good friends of ours just discovered their 6 month baby girl not breathing in her crib. I haven’t been able to stop crying for them, for their loss. There is no possible way for me to imagine the pain and suffering they must be experiencing in this moment. I am so sorry to have to share this heavy burden here, with all of you, but I am wrecked. Sometimes, as Christians, we want to respond to things like this with hopeful, ‘God has a greater plan’ type answers. Tonight, I just can’t get there.
With the promise of being open and honest, here is a glimpse at my conversation with God over the last hour:
Tonight it is hard to accept.
I am struggling to understand your hand in the death of a child,
struggling to comprehend how something like this can be allowed, even ordained, by you -
you, who came to the earth to know our pain and yet
you allow us to continue experiencing it.
I know this may sound angry, may sound wrong, but I need you to hear it.
It is frustrating that I cannot understand your ways, your providence.
It is discouraging to have to try and reason out that this is for your glory.
It is beyond my fragile, human thinking to accept it, although I know that I am told I should.
Here at a crossroads, I know there is a choice before me.
I can choose anger, confusion, and despair and forsake your promises
I can choose to trust you.
But right now, I cannot get my feet to move in either direction.
As part of a response to move toward trust, if you would, please join me in the following prayer for this beautiful family:
Lord God, who makes each and every one of us, we cannot begin to understand your plan. I am so thankful for this family, for their service, for their love for you, that it is beyond my ability to accept that they must experience this heartache. But, as it is in your will for them to walk through this valley, I beg you for strength on their behalf. I beg you for comfort. I beg you for peace in the midst of such loss. Will you please show yourself faithful and true to them tonight and every day hereafter? Will you please give them an understanding of your plan? Will you be patient with them in this season of deep affliction and pour out your love to overflowing? We have nowhere to turn but you. Come Lord Jesus.